Day One Or Never.

July 20.

I went out of the house. An achievement I guess ’cause I always locked myself in surrounded by eletronic devices, tv, cellphone, laptop.

I helped someone out of nowhere. I talked. I started hearing my own voice once again. I’m alive. Still breathing.

I walked through the small street in our place.
Slippery, yet fascinating.
I laughed. I’m being myself.

Gone to my uncle’s house. They let me in.
My cousins and nephews.
My little nephew got the bible and left it beside me. I flipped through its pages. Random page.

Love. About love. How it should be free and not selfish.

This night as I was writing this down. Hillsong songs on my earphones.

I remembered God. How He was always here even I almost forget about Him. How His love stays even I abandoned Him.

Almost teary eyed. I felt sorry for blaming Him.
I know He has reasons why things happen.
I can’t understand now but I know someday I will.

I’m with a broken heart today, but I’m thankful.

I will heal. Things do, right?

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart

But still You forgive

If only I ask

And how many times have You heard me pray

Draw near to me

Everything I need is You

My beginning, my forever

Everything I need is You

-Still, Hillsong United

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November 9.

Sometimes spoken words are better than the written ones,

But written words maybe the most sincere

Because unsaid ones are the things hard to explain.

Her Stone Heart.

One day, she just exists and became this kind of girl who doesn’t wanna talk or write. All she want is to not to feel anything and be careless and be selfish. For the whole world to just turn it’s back on her. Like it made her feel years back then until from this very moment.

How To?

How to love myself?
I don’t even like myself
Actually, I more hate me

I hate the way she smiles
When she’s all broken inside

I hate the way she talks diligently
When she’s full of shits

I hate the way she stands tall
When she wants to lie and cry

I hate the way she walks gracefully
When she’s about to fall apart

I do hate her
So tell me how can you love her?

Out.

I’m a bird
I wanna breakfree
Through the thorns and hays of wire

I’m a free soul
I wanna get lost and wander
Through the havens of earth

I’m the air
I wanna flow through
Around the land and water

I’m the invisible
I wanna roam anywhere
Do the things I wanted
Not for what they like.

“This is the part when I say I don’t want ya
I’m stronger than I’ve been before
This is the part when I break free
‘Cause I can’t resist it no more.”

-Ariana Grande, Break Free

Cafe Girl.

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Sitting on a cafe

Sipping on some cold chocolate

Paired with a tasty red velvet

Her mind’s wandering

Wavering

Indulging in the sweetness

The bitterness

Like her life was

She all had a taste of it.