His Music.

I was never interested in his music but he was interested in mine.

Before Taylor became famous I’ve been listening to other bands at that time and I’ve already heard, ‘Fireflies’. I’ve liked it because of its cute tune and cute music video. But Taylor’s music take me away from those because Taylor’s songs captured me the most. Its lyrics, stories, everything. So I forgot those other songs. I’ve been trapped in Taylor’s world and I’ve realized listening to Taylor’s songs always keeps me going back. I’m holding back. Looking back to everything. Regrets, broken promises, heartbreak, lost hopes, thousand of what-if’s. But I will still listen to them ’cause they’re a part of me and I will always be a fan.
Going back to what this is all about, now, I’m trying to understand his world. At first, I was really hesitant to listen to Owl City because it reminds me of him. But by now, Owl City’s songs are on my playlist and I find it full of dreamy things, sounds lively but the lyrics are really lonely.

To borrow a lyric from one of the songs,

“So tell me darling, do you wish we’d fall in love?” -The Saltwater Room


Be Here.

With these thoughts I might go insane
I wanna speak it all
Wish you can hear it out
Hope I’ll find a way for you to figure it
So I’m trying to put the pieces together
I was really wondering how you were
Every minute thinking what are you up to
I’ve witnessed your pictures and
I’m gonna say why aren’t you smiling? aren’t you happy?
I’m missing your smile
Your touch and everything you are
Hope I can see you and feel your presence again
Just tell me you want to and I will
No lies
Don’t wanna end it
Willing to go in circles again
Just for you to be here.

I Do Fall.

This morning as i was going to work, having my downtime at the bus. A random memory popped out of my mind. A scene with him at school. At our classroom. And we’re just in that state of getting to know each other. He was offering me a bread. I refused and said, “You better eat that. You need it more.” And he was kinda arguing that i need it too. Insisting for me to eat too. But i still don’t want to. I’m not hungry at that time. We continued to argue and tease each other. Then suddenly, my classmate spoke, “You two, stop that, you might fall in love with each other.” Because of that, we stopped talking and remained silent.

Now i’ve been wondering about what my classmate said. Yes, i do fall. But i’m not quite sure if he did.


(Before you start reading, I think these things are really crazy. Haha.)

He was in my dreams these past two days and I don’t know why.
My first dream of him was as sad as a lonely song. It was a gathering of our section, like a reunion and I think other sections too, because there were many people. I can’t really describe where it was but maybe it was at our school, I’m basing it in the structure I’ve remembered. Me and my friend were running, finding where they are. And we can’t see them, so I decided to wear my glasses to have a better view. Then I saw him, and I know he saw me too but he’s acting like he doesn’t know me, he ignores me. And I was thinking he’s mad at me. Until my alarm sets off.

The second one was just this morning. It was something that takes the happiness and hope out of me.
We were in good terms already but we had an argument that made us to part ways for some time. Until I’ve heard that he got someone pregnant. He got drunk because of our fight and met some girl. And because of that he has to marry that girl. I was dumbfounded when I’ve heard about it. It made me so depressed that any good talk or song can’t make me alright. Everyone was worried about me. I was really lost and I don’t know what do. Thoughts are echoing in my mind, ‘he’s gonna marry other girl and we can’t be really together at all, there’s no more hope.’ I was crying too much. I’ve woken up when I’ve heard Taylor’s song, ‘All you had to do was stay’, playing. And glad I didn’t wake up with tears in my eyes. It was really a bad, weird dream.

Today, I’m wondering what will be my dream tonight. And I’m getting worried that I will have a dream about him again and it will be more worse. Wishing it will not. Please no more dreams about him again and no more nightmares. I just want to sleep peacefully.


“‘Cause I’ve just been that shy quiet good girl that everyone knows about. Who just keeps her feelings and thoughts to herself.”

These past few days I’ve been undergoing some kind of mixed feelings that I just pour out by listening to songs or writing them into words. And then suddenly, I’ve woken up one day, I want something entirely different. Like being reborn. Telling myself, “Why won’t I try telling this feelings out? And see what would it bring me back.” So slowly I tried but I think people doesn’t even care what would I be or what I become. At first I was really hesitant, because I’m always that kind of girl thinking of what other people might say but I guess that’s how life revolves. If you’re unfortunate, people may misunderstand and judge you and if you’re lucky, maybe you would find people the same as you are.

And now, I’m reinventing myself.


Fashion Faker.

Fabulous dresses, Cute sneakers
Shining jewelries, Amazing hats
Gigantic heels, Colorful bags
They’ll make you fashionable
Wearing what’s in if not you’ll be different
You’ll be lurking in the corner being out of place
And I will just be dressing to impress
Gonna dress to impress

Better put my make up on but I prefer a simple face
Wanna be natural, wanna be my true self
But I must gonna be classy, sassy
And you’re becoming what you’re not gonna be
You’re coming out differently and
You’re gonna be noticed for sure

Need to be in fashion
Must have a fashion sense
Patterns, colors, I need to know them all
These goes with this and that
Once they saw you
They’ll gonna compliment and praise you

Sometimes being in other’s shadow is difficult
And you’re not perfect as how you must
There’s scars and imperfections
You’ll cry in the corner all alone in the deep of the night
But you’ll keep repeating putting that mask.

Pain Might Tell It All.

There’s so much pain
That it’s getting hard to breathe
So many thoughts are filling your mind
And you might breakdown anytime soon

It’s been hard to establish the heat
But it’s just easy to put out the flame
‘Cause I think I’m done with the words and lies
And I’m telling myself all over again don’t get your hopes up

Well but in your mind you always want to take a risk
Even you know it will just be the same
They say it’s worth the risk if the result is worth the wait
But fear swallows you whole

And maybe some things were just not really meant to be
Maybe our minds were just really full of hopeless dreams
We’re just victims of this playful world of life
We’re caught in a story that we don’t have a clue

So tell me now what do we have to do
Don’t tell me it’s too late
‘Cause this pain cost it all
It made us the people we weren’t supposed to be.

Actions Are Enough.

It was not my typical type of Sunday. Lazy to stand up and I just want to lay at my bed and sleep. But I need to get up and help with the preparations. Despite of not being in the mood, I stood up from my bed and tied my hair and went down to our garage. At first I was hesitant to go down, so I just stare at the sky for a few minutes. Something’s going over in my head at that time that makes me sad. After trying to get back my smile, and failed. I finally decided to go down. As I was getting down the stairs, wearing a shirt and shorts with my short hair tied back. My friend noticed me and asked, “Are you okay?” I don’t know what to respond. So I just remained silent. Then my friend continued, “You’re not okay.” And maybe I’m really not. But I’m trying to. And I think that was the best conversation that I had.