Confused. Shattered. Tell Me.

I hate it, one day we’re like good and now you’re being rude
Are we just playing? Tell me now ‘cause I want to stop this craziness immediately.

I’m trembling, slowly the coldness is all over me
Frown, smile, frown, smile, I didn’t know what to show anymore
Been to many places, where to go?
I’m all lost
Then you came, and a light appears
Gonna follow it anywhere just to not be alone
But as I was slowly coming near, the light fades
Darkness is all around me again
I’ve let you in my life again
But I guess I was fooled
I was like deciding to take the risks
When you’ve finally had the key
Decided to not care what would people say
But then again you’ve shattered me
Been in the game all along
Thought you cared but I think I’m all wrong
When the puzzle was all laid out I’ve been happy
Thinking things that after you’ve been all gone
I’m lucky to have you back
And I’ve swore this time I won’t let you go
But how dare you to play with this innocent heart
I’ve regret I’d put my guards down
Now, sadness, madness engulfs me
And I don’t know what to choose anymore.

It’s funny how the one’s who make you feel complete can make you feel completely empty as well.


This Love.

This love made me crazy
This love made me lose myself
This love made me a different person
This love destroyed me
This love drowned me
This love shattered me
This love suffocated me
This love is helpless
This love is insane
This love is ridiculous
This love is playful
And most of all
This love burnt me.

It’s Beautiful.

Actually this was written a few weeks ago.

I hate it when he reminds me of everything he was
I hate it when I hear Owl city and Coldplay songs
I hate it when I think of Harry Potter
I hate it when i hear Taylor’s song, ‘Enchanted’
I hate it when I use the words, ‘weird and awesome’
I hate it when I remind of the Hunger Games trilogy
I hate it when I see someone with a DSLR
I hate it when I see Korean things or hear Kpop songs
I hate it when I hear the theme song of ‘Princess and I’
I hate it when I put my glasses on
I hate it when I think of him
It gives me pain
But yet it’s beautiful.

If I could

I really want to. I miss him so much. This love is so crazy.


If I could come over to you right now, I would. I’d wrap my arms around you and dig my nails into your back and hold onto you like the last breath I’ll ever take. I’d tell you I miss you to bits and I’m glad I get to breathe in your scent again because during this time I have smelled over a thousand perfumes and none of them came within a mile to how good you smell. I’d tell you I’m glad that this distance happened to us because without I wouldn’t know how much I need you. I’d tell you I love you. I can’t be scared anymore, the worst has already happened and it can never hurt as much as it did but I’m still here and I just want you.

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Mind Wonders.

While I was going to work yesterday morning, looking at random people, suddenly I’ve thought of something, something about I’m undergoing in my life right now. People say that a person is in his/her most vulnerable state when he/she is broken. But for me, I think it’s just really up to you. You can be vulnerable or you can be stronger. You yourself will decide. Me, in my state right now, I’m neutral, sometimes I’m strong, sometimes I’m on my weakest, it depends on the memories I’m remembering. There’s a part in my heart that makes me weak, the pain, the suffering, the lost. But my mind gives me the strength and hope. Maybe why people say that you are in the most vulnerable state when you’re broken is because you need someone to rely on, to give you comfort, to shed the tears away, to make you feel happy and alive again, and maybe someone to fall into and catch you. And if you fall in love already, people might say it’s rebounded kind of love, but I think it’s not, because if it was I would not experience this miserable kind of pain I’m feeling now, that is too much for me to bear. If Mr. was a rebounded love, he found me in a shattered state, broken from someone else before him, why my heart is aching so much. That if I remove him in my life, it’s like draining out my happiness. Sucking all of it until nothing’s left. Like you couldn’t smile again. To truly say, lost. That’s why I’m just still letting him in my nerves, understanding every bit of him and just do it all over again until I get tired of it. Until I slowly heal. Until I can finally say I’m already really okay. But for now, I don’t wanna say something about moving on or truly okay, instead I just wanna say, I’m accepting the fact, the reasons, logic behind it. And about the regrets, I can say that there are no regrets because how can you regret something beautiful, something that made you crazy, to find life more colorful than it was. But truly there were thousands of what ifs that I’m still wondering about.
But despite of it all, let me still say this, ‘He’s the most incredible, weirdest person I’ve met and I don’t know if I will be able to meet someone like him again, he’s the gold in a treasure and one in a million of the best people in the world.’

No More Pretensions.


Finding this thing is heartbreaking you know.
And I’ve thought,
Maybe i was really afraid and i think i am, to know the truth or ask.
So i’ll just put it into words and write them down.
Now, I’m trying to lay out the pieces of the puzzle one by one.
And i wish soon he’ll find out the pieces and figure it out.
Hope it’s not too late.
I just want him to know, not that I’m wanting him beside me.
I just want to get the guilt off my chest.
And finally say, “At least he know now.”

Mr. Right.

Hello destiny, can i meet the boy of my dreams?

He’s taller than me
Cracks a joke and smiles at me
I go mad and he’s courting me back
He never gives up on me
Accepts my flaws and mistakes especially my clumsiness
Says I look good in any clothes I wear
He holds my hand and will never let go
Looks at me in the eye and says you’re enough
Loves to see me smile
Does crazy things for me to notice him
Makes me laugh when I’m sad
Annoys me and does effort to make me smile
Shares to me positive thoughts
Makes my bad day a good one
He’s crazy as I am
He’s kind and intelligent
Insists on getting me home even I don’t want to
Hugs me in unexpected moments
Sings to me even he’s not good at it
And will prove to me he’s worth it.