While I was going to work yesterday morning, looking at random people, suddenly I’ve thought of something, something about I’m undergoing in my life right now. People say that a person is in his/her most vulnerable state when he/she is broken. But for me, I think it’s just really up to you. You can be vulnerable or you can be stronger. You yourself will decide. Me, in my state right now, I’m neutral, sometimes I’m strong, sometimes I’m on my weakest, it depends on the memories I’m remembering. There’s a part in my heart that makes me weak, the pain, the suffering, the lost. But my mind gives me the strength and hope. Maybe why people say that you are in the most vulnerable state when you’re broken is because you need someone to rely on, to give you comfort, to shed the tears away, to make you feel happy and alive again, and maybe someone to fall into and catch you. And if you fall in love already, people might say it’s rebounded kind of love, but I think it’s not, because if it was I would not experience this miserable kind of pain I’m feeling now, that is too much for me to bear. If Mr. was a rebounded love, he found me in a shattered state, broken from someone else before him, why my heart is aching so much. That if I remove him in my life, it’s like draining out my happiness. Sucking all of it until nothing’s left. Like you couldn’t smile again. To truly say, lost. That’s why I’m just still letting him in my nerves, understanding every bit of him and just do it all over again until I get tired of it. Until I slowly heal. Until I can finally say I’m already really okay. But for now, I don’t wanna say something about moving on or truly okay, instead I just wanna say, I’m accepting the fact, the reasons, logic behind it. And about the regrets, I can say that there are no regrets because how can you regret something beautiful, something that made you crazy, to find life more colorful than it was. But truly there were thousands of what ifs that I’m still wondering about.
But despite of it all, let me still say this, ‘He’s the most incredible, weirdest person I’ve met and I don’t know if I will be able to meet someone like him again, he’s the gold in a treasure and one in a million of the best people in the world.’