To My Almost.

As the leaves of the past year slowly fall one by one into an end, there I was letting you go and this 2017 if ever we occur to met, I hope that will be a new story for us like we’re some random strangers meeting for the first time.

2016. The year I truly lost you. Through the days and months I feel like I was gripping by the edge but can’t finally go. Lingering every second that your name will randomly pop up in my phone. Then one day, you did. But I think that was some kind of domino reaction I’ve done. There was a time where I missed you so badly I wanted to talk but I didn’t had enough courage to do so. So I told my college classmate who we both knew to say hello to you and gather some information. And she did because she knew I like you. There were your long conversations where she sent to me. There you talk a little about me. And maybe that’s the reason you decided to be noticed again by commenting on one of my previous post in a social network. I wake up to that notification and had this nervous and curious smile on my face. So I comment back at it, conquered my fear and personally messaged you. I waited for hours for your respond. They never came. My mind started to fill with questions. Why did you do it if you don’t have any intention of talking back? Why did I really did something wrong? Do my guts really tell the truth that you like me as I like you but I ended up hurting you so you had to hurt me back? Are you angry? Or I was just making up these scenarios in my mind? I get mad at you. Why did I let one’s hello shatter me in a million pieces again? I was getting used to it again just thinking maybe you’re just too busy. Then there came the day your name appeared. I read it there were your ‘hahahaha’s’ which I didn’t know if real. Maybe you just had to reply like a requirement. I replied to that with sort of sarcastic words because truly I was still sort of mad and I don’t feel like talking anymore but I had to ‘cause I want to try talking normally again. But I guess that was a wrong move, ‘cause the months past and you never even try to read that message. I hate it. And I realized I can never ever fix the gap so what’s the point of it. The wounds were to heal opened once again and it was some mistake of approaching you.

But you know what even I’m hating you, I still want to remember that you became part of my life, I don’t want to forget ‘cause you’re one of the sweetest thing that happened in my life, it may become bittersweet in the end at least I’ve got the chance to know you. It’s hard to say the final goodbye but maybe things could really be better this way. I need to go back to my normal self. Do things I always fond of doing. They do remind me of you ‘cause we had like this invisible string that made us meet each other, you are me and I am you, and I will never forget I considered you my soul mate ‘cause you’re the boy version of me. The similar likes, interests, zodiac signs, it’s funny you know. It was good memories.

Sad to say, I had to move further without you. Leave the feeling behind and start anew. I had to love myself if I want someone to love me wholeheartedly. Goodbye and I hope this would be my last words for you. You were my almost.

And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don’t
I almost do,
I almost do.
-I Almost Do, Taylor Swift


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